I am a domestic abuse survivor. The Allstate Foundation’s Purple Purse Challenge helps to raise awareness #PurplePurse

Disclosure: This post is part of a sponsored campaign with The Allstate Foundation and MomSelect. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Did you know that Domestic violence affects one in four women in her lifetime – that’s more women than breast cancer, ovarian cancer and lung cancer combined.  I am a domestic abuse survivor.  My first marriage was rough.  We were young, dated during high school, but our backgrounds were very different.  I came from a middle class family, he was raised by his grandmother in a lower income area of town. I was an honors student, he struggled to pass each class.  Despite our differences, we were in love, or what we thought was love at age 17.   Over the next few years, we had our share of verbal spats, and slight shoves, but one day it all changed when I was physically assaulted.  One hit lead to two and before you know it, it was a weekly event.  I told myself he would change, he will get better, but he didn’t, and eventually, with my courage and help of family, I left.

Domestic abuse is something that takes it toll on a person.  I will be 42 years old soon, and I still have the physical and faint emotional scars from that relationship, and honestly, I have had a hard time trusting people to this date.  I am not sure if domestic abuse was inherited to me, as my mom was abused by my dad for years, and I witnessed it, but if it is, I sure carried that on in my first marriage.   When I had a daughter, I was scared, truly scared, and unclear of what I was going to do.  I knew I didn’t want her to continue the cycle, and had to do what I thought was best for her future.  I have been a single mom from the day she was born.  Today she is 17.  While she has not witnessed the abuse that I both witnessed with my parents and experienced myself, I will say it comes with a different type of issue that we have had to deal with, that is dealing with not having her father around.  This is by his choice, not hers.  Some days I am thankful, because she is a vibrant, beautiful soul and shoes grace and love everyday, but inside, I know she is missing a piece of her that she has never really known.  I have never hidden the truth from her, as I feel she needs to know our past and maybe learn from my mistakes and enter a healthier relationship when she is ready to take that path.

In awareness of domestic abuse, The Allstate Foundation Purple Purse is making it fashionable to talk about domestic violence and the financial abuse that traps women in abusive relationships. The program ignites fundraising for more than 140 national, state and local domestic violence organizations. Funds raised will support life-changing financial empowerment services to help domestic violence survivors build safer lives for themselves and their families. Allstate Foundation Purple Purse aims to break the cycle of violence in our nation – one family at a time.

Most people think only of physical abuse when they consider domestic violence. Yet, financial abuse happens in 98% of all cases of domestic violence and is one of the most powerful ways to keep a victim trapped. Domestic violence and financial abuse often go hand-in-hand, but nearly 8 in 10 Americans have not heard much about financial abuse as a form of domestic violence. The number one reason domestic violence survivors stay, leave or return to an abusive relationship is that they don’t have the financial resources to break free.  PurplePurse.com has important tips and tools to help you recognize domestic violence and financial abuse, talk about it and end it.

Since 2005, The Allstate Foundation has invested more than $40 million across the country to help domestic violence survivors regain control of their finances and break free from abuse.  Kerry Washington, Emmy-nominated actress and domestic violence activist, is serving as a Purple Purse ambassador to help raise awareness for the cause and has designed a limited-edition purple purse. The purse was created to represent the center of a woman’s financial domain and to inspire women to reclaim their financial independence.

The Allstate Foundation is investing more than half a million dollars in the Purple Purse Challenge. The more donations each nonprofit gets, the more it can compete for Allstate Foundation incentive funding. Go to PurplePurse.com between Sept. 2 and Oct. 3 to join the Challenge and help a nonprofit near you.

New evidence from the Center on Violence Against Women and Children at Rutgers University School of Social Work indicates that boosting a survivor’s financial literacy, skills and resources can create a path toward long-term safety and security for survivors.

I will continue to talk about domestic abuse with my daughter, and pray that she never feels the sting or pain I felt as a young woman.  My life, my passion, my spirituality, all are free at last and that is what helps define me as the independent survivor I am today.

If you or someone you know needs immediate help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

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